the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
