About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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