Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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