Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
love makes seman taste better
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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