Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize