I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
tell me about the fingering
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