my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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