I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
