I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
