Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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