We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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