i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
