and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
