shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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