We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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