Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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