Sponge bath it is.
the condom got lost in my hair
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
