You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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