the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
