its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
