census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
