Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
