how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
