so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
