quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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