I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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