I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
