My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
