how can u be prego again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
