You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
