It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
