Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
People in love make me want to vomit
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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