Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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