So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
