I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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