If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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