I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
