I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How external is "for external use only"?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
