Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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