Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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