About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize