if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
