It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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