2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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