I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
