I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
