Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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