What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
