he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
