I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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