uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
