I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
