Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
