i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
