He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
