Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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