Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
