people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
