I must be too annoying 4 u.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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