I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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