Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
