Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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