I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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