We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
