I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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