Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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