turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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