I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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