At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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