im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Randomize
