She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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