she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
