Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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