Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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