it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
