im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize