I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
