I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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