So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
