I'm jealous of your bromance
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
