I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize