I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
