she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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