ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
