We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
