i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize