Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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