I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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