my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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