i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
