I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
