We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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