I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
