at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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