I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
