Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you had me at cake vodka
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize