Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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