everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
