I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
