Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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