You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize