check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
