wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
