If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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