I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
