And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
whose parrot is this?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
