I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
