he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
