The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
tell me about the eggs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
