hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
