I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
