I hate all girls vehemently.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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