Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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